silver lining.

When My Mind is Still

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I remember things too easily forgotten:
The purity of early love,
The maturity of unselfish love that asks --
desires -- nothing but another's good,
The idealism that has persisted through all the tempest of life.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I can find a quiet assurance, an inner peace, in the core of my being.
It can face the doubt, the loneliness, the anxiety,
Can accept these harsh realities and can even grow
Because of these challenges to my essential being.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I can sense my basic humanity,
And then I know that all men and women are my brothers and sisters.
Nothing but my own fear and distrust can separate me from the love of friends.
If I can trust others, accept them, enjoy them,
Then my life shall surely be richer and more full.
If I can accept others, this will help them to be more truly themselves,
And they will be more able to accept me.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I know how much life has given me:
The history of the race, friends and family,
The opportunity to work, the chance to build myself.
Then wells within me the urge to live more abundantly,
With greater trust and joy,
With more profound seriousness and earnest service,
And yet more calmly at the heart of life.

-Paul Beattie-

things happen to us all the time. unexpectedly, something happened to me last nite. something my heart, together with my mind found extremely hard to define. the thing is, my entire life (so far) i met with this kind of situation only very rarely..it's weird how i acted like a crazy woman handling it at the beginning, and even weirder that, next thing i know, i got hit by a bus really badly that i died for a second but later..taaraaaa..the craziness is gone and i'm back alive! :) LOL..i know.

quote I:

"The TRUTH will set you FREE,
but first it will make you MISERABLE.."

big things, started from absolutely small things..so small one might not realize how much of an impact one might give on someone else. a friendly 'hi' or a charming smile, a few seconds of phone call, a few moments of sharing life experiences, a few minutes of care..those stuffs seed some kind unexplained sweetness in this heart. as time passes by, the happiness grows, one realizes he or she could feel something they never thought they will ever feel again, the broken-heart heals, it gets bigger and bigger. then, when suddenly it's huge, we know the big thing is going to happen soon, and the more we know that we need to prevent that from happening before anybody gets hurt. so, it does not matter if only i know how much THIS means to me. for i am clueless, for only Allah knows what is best for all of us. what matters the most for me now is that, what doesn't kill me, will only makes me stronger. and what had happened can't be undone, the past can't be rewritten, some pages turned, some bridges burned, some building collapsed, some people died, but there were lessons learned. and..the future is not in our hands.

quote II:

"Never allow someone to be your PRIORITY,
while allowing yourself to be only their OPTION..."

whatever it is, I am thankful for everything. alhamdulillah :) thank You Allah.

they said there's a lining made of silver,
folded inside each raining cloud,
well, i need someone to deliver my silver lining
right about now.
[adapted from are we there yet-ingrid michaelson]


okay, this is me...while my mind is STILL.
[and this is supposed to be posted earlier, like last nite bcuz the story took place two nites ago..hehe]
til next time.
xoxo.